What’s your code for dealing with life’s ups and downs?
Everywhere you look, the TV, newspapers (I know it’s a shrinking market) and the internet, we are continually bombarded with negative reporting about mental health, which according to all of the various articles is affecting all age groups. We have recently endured a very bitter and vicious general election, with all sides blaming each other for adopting “dirty tactics” accusing each other of lying, cheating and all sorts of unpleasant name calling. I would like to go a small way in addressing the balance, not by ignoring these very serious issues that people are facing or accepting such poor behaviour by our politicians (or ex- politicians now the voting is over) but by bringing about a change of focus. As there are numerous “quotes” stating “What you focus on grows”.
I’m at a point in my life, youth no longer on my side, when I actually take the time to reflect on what works (and has done over so many years). This reflection has been helped by 2 very important people, who over the years have pushed me, challenged me, supported me and above all believed in me. (There are more that 2 people, but this makes it easier to write if I put a limit on the number involved) To protect the innocent I will refer to them as Martin & Eric. What they helped me discover was a way of thinking, being, living and doing and I have listed this magic process below. I’ve called it The MORSE Code for a happy life ….. HY2HO (Help yourself to help others).
Before I go on to explain the MORSE code, I want to ask you all a question. Can you juggle with 3 balls? If you answer Yes, you’ll probably say “well it’s easy” if however, it’s on your bucket list of things to do, you’ll probably answer No, and say “it’s really difficult”. My response will always be “anything is easy when you know how.”
This feels like one of those shopping channel pitches, where by now you’re thinking, hurry up and get to the point, well here goes.
The MORSE code is easy (when you know how):
M is all about Mindset, and how by adopting a “Growth Mindset” as defined by Carol Dweck, it’s amazing how we view the challenges that life throws at us.
“If you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re probably right”. (Henry Ford)
This for me is particularly relevant when at the age of 60 I graduated with a Master’s degree in Applied Positive Psychology. Having left school before 16 years of age and being told I would never achieve much in life.
O is for Optimism ( I’m also a realist, so if I see a car coming hurtling towards me I don’t optimistically think “that’s okay he will stop”) In life we have setbacks, but it’s how we deal with them that defines who we are ,and see them as real opportunities to learn and do things differently the next time we are faced with a similar situation.
R is for Resilience and the ability to bounce back, my friend Martin has shown incredible resilience over the years, from losing his long-term partner, over 10 years ago to cancer , to last year, his 30 year son being diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma, he has always managed to find a way to deal with these situations in an extremely pragmatic, yet caring way. I asked him once how he managed to stay so positive, his response was simple, “we all have a choice on how we react to any situation….”
S is for Strengths (I don’t mean being able to lift heavy weights and arm-wrestle) I refer to character strengths. A strength is a natural capacity for behaving, thinking, or feeling in a way that allows optimal functioning and performance in the pursuit of valued outcomes (Linley & Harrington, 2006). This is where my friend Eric was my “driver” with his love of learning and fairness featuring very high up on his 24 VIA Character strengths. It is down to him and his love of learning that we embarked upon our Master’s degree programme together (I actually think he wanted me along just to check his English spelling, as sadly he is a Frenchman!!!) I forgot to add 2 of my top strengths are Humour and Kindness, just in case you thought I was being horrible about Eric
Which leads us nicely into E for Empathy, one recent neuroscience paper defines empathy as “a multifaceted construct used to account for the capacity to share and understand the thoughts and feelings of others” (Decety & Yoder, 2016).
We often hear that we need people to show more empathy, and to be more empathetic. This is much easier said than done, as it means staying out of judgement and “walking in the other persons shoes”. I feel very strongly about this, as for me empathy is a way of being, not just doing or saying. It’s also about being authentic.
As I said at the beginning, this is about changing our focus, not denying the existence of the issues that we face today. All I know is that by following the MORSE code it certainly helps me to deal with the challenges that life has to offer me.
What’s your code for dealing with life’s ups and downs?
